What would Jesus tip?

Last night, I had to work some private parties. This happens a lot and it's good because it means more money. But some of these private parties are downright weird, as I'm sure y'all can imagine. Sometimes, I work these shindigs with my girlfriend Penni Pandora and tonight it looked like it was going to be the both of us. We got ready at my place and Jimmy picked us up at nine. The party was at a house way out in the burbs.

When we got there, I was able to immediately tell what kind of dudes we were dealing with...white rednecks. There were big trucks parked in the driveway and down the street. When we got in there, I could see the guys were all in their twenties. Which I don't like because I'm thinking in terms of tips. Black guys will tip, white rednecks in their twenties don't.

Anyway, the dancing was fine. It was a bachelor party, so Jimmy got the money up front. There was a lot of beer, some which got spilled on us. And we were there for all of two hours and I went home with $150. Not bad. Not great. Like I said, better tips would have been nice.

Here's the thing, these boys were Christians. Or at least there were bibles in the house and a large cross in the living room with a rebel flag to boot. Do you think they really go to church or practice at being good Christians? No. They do practice at being good 'ole boys though. What Jesus do? Would he hire strippers? See this is why I have a hard time with the whole belief system. So much hypocrisy. And I'm betting, if my tip jar (what they stuff into my g-string) was any indication, they don't put much into the collection plate on Sundays either.

**** Jimmy (he helps me write this stuff) says if you are interested in hiring me and Penni for private parties, you should drop us an email.