Strippers for Jesus...

Everyone has an opinion on strippers.  It's not really a neutral subject, you know?  You either hate them or love them.  But strippers are people too.   We have feelings, friends, families, lovers, children.  Some of us go to church even.  I know a lot of strippers who love Jesus.  Strippers for Jesus.  This is NOT unusual.  There are even HOOKERS for Jesus (see above photo).

Me?  I'm neutral on that subject.  I went through a lot of guilt when I was in high school because I had an abortion, but in my defense, the guy was in his twenties and he ended up over in Iraq where he was killed. He was killed later though, after the abortion.  But when I had it I had to go with my mother and she was so disappointed in me and she prayed I would find Jesus.

I just remember staring at Jesus hanging on the cross that was on my wall after the surgery and crying...thinking he was the eyes of the world and he could see me.  That everyone could.  Then I stopped believing and life got better.

So here I am, taking it all off at night and swinging on my stripper pole.  A guy came in last night.  He had these eyes...creepy, you know?  Like someone who crawled out of a meth trailer somewhere in the swamp.  He had me lap dance for him and he gave my a $500 tip!  Wanted me to meet him at the motel.  Jimmy usually handles that stuff (can't tell you who Jimmy is or how that works obviously) but I didn't go.  Now, I'm scared some meth freak will be waiting for me after work.   With that dark greasy hair and meth eyes.  Ugh!

So as you can see, this lifestyle is no picnic.  But I did pay my rent and the cable bill, so there!

I'm thinking I want to take my ministry to the next level as what I do outside of work.  I'm a Universal Life Church Headquarters minister and I want to marry  people.  You might not believe it, but it happens all the time in my business.  Maybe one of the girls wants to get married to some rich foreigner to get him a green card.  Or maybe a vacationing couple wants a hot stripper wedding.  I can do it!  I'm your girl!

But what I really would like to have are video tutorials on how to become a minister and do it right.  Should I be asking the happy couple questions before marrying them?  Should I guide them in writing or renewing their vows?  How does it work?  I want to advertise my services, but I'm a bit at a loss....  Grrrrr....  Hopefully it will all become clearer one day, right?

Maybe in my next post, I'll tell you about the time I was married.  yeah, that's right.  Little ole me!