Stripper minister....

Now this is pretty cool. Something in line with what I'M hoping to do. I LOVE HER! You go girl!

Death comes in many forms....

So I've got to fly to North Carolina tomorrow to see my friend who's been put into the hospice.  God, this is awful.  I was NOT focused on my shift last night.  Though I will say the world's creepiest guy was focused on me.  He paid well, I'll give him that.  And he wasn't a grease ball.  He had money, gold watch, nice clothes...and he was alone.  Just sat there next to my station and paid for a few dances.  He smelled like fucking Ax Body Spray or something.

The creepy part about him was his staring.  Cold, calculated eyes.  Dead eyes.  I'd rather have a nervous drunk any day...

Back to my friend...if any of my new minister friends have sage advice in how I can best be there for him as someone who wants to use all her life experiences to start her own ministry, then please email me or leave a comment.  I'm nervous about seeing him, but I've been through a lot of bad things in life...so I'm not naive.  I lost my husband and I never thought I'd get over that, to be honest.

But I'm too young to be losing friends.  Aren't we all? Death comes in many guises.  From the guy last night inhabiting a living body to the specter knocking at my friend's door.

Life is short...so I gotta find a date

ok.  I'll admit it.  It's hard keeping up a blog.  I don't have to be at work for a few hours and it's hot as fuck out right now, so I'm pecking away at the keys now.  I like this keeping a diary online bit because it does remind me, day to day, of what I think I want to do....  And what I've actually done.  Yeah...

Anyway, I just found out my friend is gravely ill.  and it's really thrown me for a loop.  He was fine until a month ago.  then he lost all this weight (like 30 lbs) and had trouble breathing.  He wrote me a few emails talking about how scared he was feeling and I wrote back saying I was thinking about him and I was sure he would be fine.  Then they got him to the hospital and he was put into the ICU.  I didn't know this and just thought he was recuperating.  I called his wife yesterday asking how he was doing and she said he'd gone to the ICU.  And that he has Lou Gehrig's diesease.  Fuck!

They are moving him to a hospice to die on Wed.  How has this happened?  This also challenges my whole approach to wanting to minister to people.  I got this minister's handbook from the Universal Life Church, and in it there's a chapter on "The Minister Serves in Time of Illness, Trouble, or Sorrow."

There's this bit about what to do and say (mostly prayers) when someone is in the hospital, but it's really geared for Christians, and my friend isn't a christian.  So I don't know.  Perhaps the best thing I can do is visit him soon...  That's so hard though, you know?  But I wouldn't want to be in an hospice knowing my time was up and not say goodbye to people.  It affects everyone differently though.

I feel like I should write my OWN prayers and whatnot.  But I don't know if I'm a good enough writer for that sort of thing.  Thinking about all of this and my friend is depressing, but it needs thinking about too.

On another note...  I've decided that while I'm alive, it's time I got back out there and met some men again.  I think I mentioned I was married once before, but he was killed a few years ago.  I've been gun shy ever since.  I know the assumption is that since I'm a stripper, dating ain't no big thing.  But that's not true...  We do meet a LOT of creeps though.  I'm looking not to meet a creep.  Maybe I'll get lucky like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman...hahaha!

What a weird day.  I just hope my night isn't.

Business Plan...

So I worked hard all weekend...which is to say I was asleep by four or five and woke at noon each day.  I'll admit that thinking about leaving this life behind for my ministry business scares me.  I was thinking about all this when I ran across this article on someone who started a similar enterprise in California.

It's different from what I'm hoping to do with my ministry program.  I want to be able to marry people and offer solid advice based on a lifetime of experience with the darker underbelly of human nature.  In other words, I've seen some of the bad people are capable of and I can at least help people be good, can't I?  Do I have to have Jesus to do this?

I've been participating in some discussions with other people who got ordained through the Universal Life Church like I did and it's a mixed bag of opinions.  There are a lot of Christians over there and they are trying to educate me about Jesus and his purpose.  But, I'm still not sure if I get it, or if I will.  I guess, I'm not going to worry about it too much right now because it doesn't change the fact that I'm an ordained minister and that I'm sincere in wanting to marry people, baptise folks and all that.

As I've mentioned, i live among rednecks here in Panama City, Florida.  and one thing they hate are the gays around here.  So I'm wondering if I should start advertising my stripper ministry services within the gay community first.  Like would someone pay me to travel to states where it's legal so I could marry them?  that would be cool.

I'm not doing this for the money though.  trust me.  Stripping pays more than most will ever make.  But let's be honest, I won't have these looks for life....

Here's an excerpt from that article....sounds like I should get in touch with these ladies to see what challenges I'm gonna face doing this whole thing...

THERESA BROWN HAS SEEN the American experience from both sides. Growing up in Clairemont, the brunette with dark brown eyes was attractive and alert. She had two older sisters, a kid brother, and she did well in school. In many ways, she was the prototypical California girl.
But behind the cheery veneer lay a childhood scarred by her parents’ broken marriage, alcohol abuse and codependency. The future became less a dream and more a plan for escape. And then, when she was 21, an unexpected pregnancy.
“It wasn’t planned,” Brown says with a smile. “But then, you never regret the kids you have.” Her son is now 9 and one of the foundational elements in her life——along with God and her work at the stripper ministry.
At its etymological level, “ministry” is derived from “minister”——to give aid or service. Brown defines the stripper ministry as an organized group of people with a common goal. It comprises more than 150 women who reach out to other women in the adult-entertainment industry. The target group is strippers and dancers, but outreach is widening to those in the escort and soft-porn industries——populations that have intimate ties to stripping, Brown says.
The 30-year-old launched the San Diego chapter of JC’s Girls (JC is for Jesus Christ) through the Rock Church last year. She was drawn into the underbelly of America’s thriving adult-entertainment industry 11 years ago through what appeared to be a benign introduction to striptease dancing. It’s almost impossible, however, to stay in the industry without being drawn into an associated profligate lifestyle, Brown says.

Stripper Ministries...a different kind of party.

Last night I got into work a little late (I blame this on my new addiction to writing out blog posts and obsessively checking the grammar to make sure i get it right before throwing it up on the web).  Frank was pissed at me, but fuck him.  Stripping often feels like this obligatory party one must attend night after night, week after week.  You get on your party dress, have a few shots, shake your ass and your tits and pull some moves on that pole.  And that pole is my gym membership by the way.  Keeps me fit.

Anyway, Penni wasn't working with me last night and there was some bitchy new girl who just kept giving me the stink eye.  Like who is she anyway?  But I got my makeup on and got out there.  I don't know why, but Weds are crowded.  Lots of guys were out.  And I made some good cash.

But his new chick looked liked she was WORKING.  Not like she was having any kind of fun.  You know what?  No one likes a downer at the party.  You know the type...the one who stands by the chips all night long and complains.  Or who says to everyone "don't eat the blue acid".  After everyone's eaten the blue acid.

I have a good smile to go with my assets and I use everything.  Came home with good money last night too.  But I'm bored with stripping.  No, i don't go telling everyone this at work, but my friends know it.  I'm tired of going to the party and being the entertainment.  Truth is, I don't want to end up like miss Debbie Downer from last night.

I'm giving some serious thought to a side business now.  I know I keep talking about how I'm a minister with the Universal Life Church and all that...but I'm thinking of a little Las Vegas in Panama Beach.  Like Stripper Ministries or something.  Where I could run things from my apartment, marry people, offer spiritual counseling and even do baptisms.  i know.  i know.  It sounds crazy.  But before you all trot out the pitchforks...think about it.  Who would YOU rather have in your baptism photo?  A priest or a hot stripper anointing you in your baptism photo.  Let's be honest.....that picture would get a lot more mileage, wouldn't it.

Getting ready for work...

I've been whining all day about the heat.  It's so goddamned hot here in florida.  But I was thinking about the rituals a stripper goes through.  Like packing my bag.  In go the Platform Sandals...they are black and have "Skull Lights" in the heels.  guys love these.  And then my romper, my short shorts, and my various tops.  Gotta put my makeup on there, it'll melt off in this fucking heat here.

The locker room is a weird place in a strip joint.  You leave the emotions outside.  The girls all getting into the mindset.  Maybe one or two coming off shift are pissed off about their tips.  They count their money on the benches.  Penni's working tonight.  She's been fired twice now for dealing weed and pills in the locker room, but she seemms to make it back in.  The girls deal with the life in different ways.  Me?  i knock back a shot or two and that's it.  When I'm ready to go, I hit that floor and move between the different stations and I just get into the zone.

Almost all those guys are regulars.  I have exactly one stalker.  Most girls do.  Jimmy you hear me?  You need to watch out for that guy tonight, ok?  LOL.  for the most part, the guys are ok.  I hope they throw some money at me tonight.  I want to get some hair extensions soon.

What would Jesus tip?

Last night, I had to work some private parties. This happens a lot and it's good because it means more money. But some of these private parties are downright weird, as I'm sure y'all can imagine. Sometimes, I work these shindigs with my girlfriend Penni Pandora and tonight it looked like it was going to be the both of us. We got ready at my place and Jimmy picked us up at nine. The party was at a house way out in the burbs.

When we got there, I was able to immediately tell what kind of dudes we were dealing with...white rednecks. There were big trucks parked in the driveway and down the street. When we got in there, I could see the guys were all in their twenties. Which I don't like because I'm thinking in terms of tips. Black guys will tip, white rednecks in their twenties don't.

Anyway, the dancing was fine. It was a bachelor party, so Jimmy got the money up front. There was a lot of beer, some which got spilled on us. And we were there for all of two hours and I went home with $150. Not bad. Not great. Like I said, better tips would have been nice.

Here's the thing, these boys were Christians. Or at least there were bibles in the house and a large cross in the living room with a rebel flag to boot. Do you think they really go to church or practice at being good Christians? No. They do practice at being good 'ole boys though. What Jesus do? Would he hire strippers? See this is why I have a hard time with the whole belief system. So much hypocrisy. And I'm betting, if my tip jar (what they stuff into my g-string) was any indication, they don't put much into the collection plate on Sundays either.

**** Jimmy (he helps me write this stuff) says if you are interested in hiring me and Penni for private parties, you should drop us an email.