Raised right, gone wrong...

I've been busy. And I've also been trying to stay cool in this fucking heat. I dance at night and during the day, I sleep in my very, very dark bedroom next to the AC which runs full blast. AC is crucial in Florida. I know a few people who try and live without it (too much money for them to run), but baby, I gotta have my cool air. And yeah, I'm a homegrown country girl from Georgia, but no way am I trying to sleep in this heat and humidity.

Ok, apart from that...I've been working the summer crowds of drunk young men. Last night one of the girls I work with got so drunk that when she was getting dressed in the locker room, she dropped sixteen $100 bills on the floor!! I picked them up and gave them back to her, but some of the girls gave me shit for this. They would've kept the money. Bitch deserved it, one said to me.

Look, I may be struggling with my spiritual place in life, but I was raised right, for the most part. My folks are Christian and I felt like if I hadn't given the money back, my dad would've been disappointed. Not that my folks and I talk much anymore. They obviously have "issues" with what I do. I've gone the wrong path in life.

But hey, it keeps the AC on.

On another note, do you think I would be a better minister if I were Christian? The funeral I officiated at got me thinking about a lot of things. Maybe there is an afterlife and maybe I will see my friends again.

I kept my reading close to the heart about who my friend really was and did some readings from the Minister's Service Manual:

"What was his creed?
I do not know his creed, I only know
That here below, he walked the common road
And lifted many a load, lightened the task,
Brightened the day for others toiling on a weary way;
This, his only meed; I do not know his creed."

Ok, so I gotta ask though....what is the meaning behind meed? Isn't that supposed to be mead? As in the drink?

Anyway, we did scatter his ashes from horseback. I went inward after getting back from N. Carolina so I could process what happened. And make some money.

I ended up with plenty last night. Gotta keep it going. BTW..what think you all of my new UV light costume? Guys were loving this late last night....

My first go as a Universal Life Church Minister

I think I did ok for my first time being a minister. I officiated a funeral for my friend in North Carolina and I studied a lot of the books I got from the ULC's website and I think in the end, it all went pretty well. Actually, the whole process has made me question my atheist beliefs. Nothing like death, right?

Now I have to work all weekend to get some money. It's so fucking hot in Florida too. I'm sortof used to it...but it's annoying because when I go to work, I have to dance under these super bright stage lights. Ugh. NO ONE looks good under stage lights. And I sweat and my makeup runs. There's no escape.

Life is short...so I gotta find a date

ok.  I'll admit it.  It's hard keeping up a blog.  I don't have to be at work for a few hours and it's hot as fuck out right now, so I'm pecking away at the keys now.  I like this keeping a diary online bit because it does remind me, day to day, of what I think I want to do....  And what I've actually done.  Yeah...

Anyway, I just found out my friend is gravely ill.  and it's really thrown me for a loop.  He was fine until a month ago.  then he lost all this weight (like 30 lbs) and had trouble breathing.  He wrote me a few emails talking about how scared he was feeling and I wrote back saying I was thinking about him and I was sure he would be fine.  Then they got him to the hospital and he was put into the ICU.  I didn't know this and just thought he was recuperating.  I called his wife yesterday asking how he was doing and she said he'd gone to the ICU.  And that he has Lou Gehrig's diesease.  Fuck!

They are moving him to a hospice to die on Wed.  How has this happened?  This also challenges my whole approach to wanting to minister to people.  I got this minister's handbook from the Universal Life Church, and in it there's a chapter on "The Minister Serves in Time of Illness, Trouble, or Sorrow."

There's this bit about what to do and say (mostly prayers) when someone is in the hospital, but it's really geared for Christians, and my friend isn't a christian.  So I don't know.  Perhaps the best thing I can do is visit him soon...  That's so hard though, you know?  But I wouldn't want to be in an hospice knowing my time was up and not say goodbye to people.  It affects everyone differently though.

I feel like I should write my OWN prayers and whatnot.  But I don't know if I'm a good enough writer for that sort of thing.  Thinking about all of this and my friend is depressing, but it needs thinking about too.

On another note...  I've decided that while I'm alive, it's time I got back out there and met some men again.  I think I mentioned I was married once before, but he was killed a few years ago.  I've been gun shy ever since.  I know the assumption is that since I'm a stripper, dating ain't no big thing.  But that's not true...  We do meet a LOT of creeps though.  I'm looking not to meet a creep.  Maybe I'll get lucky like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman...hahaha!

What a weird day.  I just hope my night isn't.

Strippers for Jesus...

Everyone has an opinion on strippers.  It's not really a neutral subject, you know?  You either hate them or love them.  But strippers are people too.   We have feelings, friends, families, lovers, children.  Some of us go to church even.  I know a lot of strippers who love Jesus.  Strippers for Jesus.  This is NOT unusual.  There are even HOOKERS for Jesus (see above photo).

Me?  I'm neutral on that subject.  I went through a lot of guilt when I was in high school because I had an abortion, but in my defense, the guy was in his twenties and he ended up over in Iraq where he was killed. He was killed later though, after the abortion.  But when I had it I had to go with my mother and she was so disappointed in me and she prayed I would find Jesus.

I just remember staring at Jesus hanging on the cross that was on my wall after the surgery and crying...thinking he was the eyes of the world and he could see me.  That everyone could.  Then I stopped believing and life got better.

So here I am, taking it all off at night and swinging on my stripper pole.  A guy came in last night.  He had these eyes...creepy, you know?  Like someone who crawled out of a meth trailer somewhere in the swamp.  He had me lap dance for him and he gave my a $500 tip!  Wanted me to meet him at the motel.  Jimmy usually handles that stuff (can't tell you who Jimmy is or how that works obviously) but I didn't go.  Now, I'm scared some meth freak will be waiting for me after work.   With that dark greasy hair and meth eyes.  Ugh!

So as you can see, this lifestyle is no picnic.  But I did pay my rent and the cable bill, so there!

I'm thinking I want to take my ministry to the next level as what I do outside of work.  I'm a Universal Life Church Headquarters minister and I want to marry  people.  You might not believe it, but it happens all the time in my business.  Maybe one of the girls wants to get married to some rich foreigner to get him a green card.  Or maybe a vacationing couple wants a hot stripper wedding.  I can do it!  I'm your girl!

But what I really would like to have are video tutorials on how to become a minister and do it right.  Should I be asking the happy couple questions before marrying them?  Should I guide them in writing or renewing their vows?  How does it work?  I want to advertise my services, but I'm a bit at a loss....  Grrrrr....  Hopefully it will all become clearer one day, right?

Maybe in my next post, I'll tell you about the time I was married.  yeah, that's right.  Little ole me!